Don't Let Jealousy Ruin Your Relationship

“Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening.” - Maya Angelou

Are there times you become jealous of something or in a certain situation? I begrudgingly have to admit, I do sometimes become jealous. What I try to do, rather than focusing on my jealousy, I have to focus on what I have to do and what would make me feel less jealous.

Jealousy can eat away my whole day. Spending time being jealous is, quite simply, a waste of time. Sometimes, I try to be logical and ask myself, "What am I achieving by being jealous?" "Is my situation improving by spending time feeling this way?" Obviously, the answer is no.

I read articles about overcoming jealousy. Just to help me handle the situation. I’m not saying to ignore your feelings of jealousy completely. I learned that it’s a natural and expected emotion. Instead, acknowledge that you feel jealous and explore what would decrease those feelings. How is the jealousy affecting you and how it is affecting your relationship with your husband? Can you do something to acquire whatever you are jealous of? In my situation, maybe I can try to understand harder the situation. Also, I spend some time reframing my thoughts to be more accurate and positive. Rather than saying or thinking “I’m jealous of my husband's ex-girlfriend.” I try to say, “I’d love to work harder and just keep my marriage stronger than what my husband has with his past relationship." I’m working hard and I just always think that I have so much to be grateful for.

Along the lines of what Ms. Angelou is saying, too much jealousy can be relationship-threatening. If I approach my husband with jealousy and any other negative feelings, I've probably indirectly or directly sending negative signals. In the beginning, I may not notice, but I may be acting differently toward that person, and this is especially true in my relationships with my husband. And it’s not just about jealousy; we can apply this to any negative feeling. Some of us are very transparent when it comes to emotions. I know I am. My husband can frequently tell by looking at my face that I’m sad, upset, or annoyed. Maybe I’m not verbally mistreating a person but he can usually look at me and know that I’m feeling down or irritated. In turn, he is going to react differently toward me, and that’s definitely not going to help our relationship.

I always try to apply this to my marriage. Of course I'll feel a little jealous if a pretty girl is flirting with my spouse specially if his 'ex-girlfriend' is calling him or sending him text messages. Sometimes, I can't control my feelings but I try very hard not to let it get beyond a little jealousy. When this happens, I just usually pray. I know I can trust my husband (there's no doubt about it!) and I know that the flirty girl or ex-girlfriend is harmless and will probably be ignored by my husband anyway.

So how do I get over jealousy and how do I keep it from affecting my marriage? Well, in addition to acknowledging and reframing, I usually work on my self-esteem. This may not apply to everyone, but low self-esteem is often the root of jealousy. I read an article that says, "If there’s a specific item or situation you are jealous of, if it’s possible, try to work on obtaining it. Don’t just stew in jealously, do something about it." (Just to clarify, it doesn't mean take away the item from the person who has it, it means go out and earn it yourself). It also says on the article that, "If you feel it’s appropriate for your situation, consider talking to the person you are jealous of." But in my case, until now, I still don't have the courage to face and talk to her personally. I know it may take it as a compliment and it might release me of the burden of feeling jealous. So, what I usually do, I talk to a close and trusted friend or family member. And I make sure not to become angry at the person I am jealous of. She probably doesn’t know how I feel and even if she does, she wouldn't feel bad or get punished when most likely she isn't trying to make me jealous in the first place.

Remember, jealousy doesn’t just affect you, it affects your relationships. Try to let it go and stay positive.

Suffering from 'bekkenløsning'.

After I was confined in the hospital a month ago, I never went back to work. My doctor issued a 'sykemeldt' (sick leave), so I can stay home and regain my energy while waiting for the result of my bladder biopsy. Just 2 weeks ago, I had my regualar checkup with my doctor, he decided to prolong my sick leave until my maternity leave. Meaning I will never go back to work again until I give birth. My doctor told me I am suffering from 'bekkenløsning' or pelvic pain (SPD).

This is my second child (33 weeks). I have been having extreme hip/pelvic and siatica pain, it's so painful that sometimes I cry. It's hard to sleep, walk, get up, turning over in bed, going up and down the stairs, even getting into a car was pure agony. It really kills me a lot. I never had this kind of pain with my first child, which I delivered normally. My doctor told me to keep my legs together as much as I can when getting in and out of bed, standing up and sitting down because when I move one leg at a time I'm making one side of my pelvis move higher than my other side. This usually cause the pain. My doctor recommends me to undergo physiotherapy to relieve the discomfort and use crutches, which I don't prefer using since most of the time I just stayed home. I had my own doctor and midwife who check my pregnancy regularly. My midwife informed me that SPD only gets worse as the baby gets bigger, but should disappear almost instantly following the birth, which I really hope and pray that it will really disappear right away after I give birth. She also told me that it is safe to take paracetamol if the pain is really bad.

Today was a really bad day for me. It's hard to walk. I have to keep switching positions so it won't hurt too much. I'm really waddling like a duck now. My doctor assured me that this is normal pain and it's all part of pregnancy. I still have 6 weeks to go. I just want my body and energy back!

Approaching the end of pregnancy...

"It is an exciting and hopeful time for me and my family. It is approaching the end of my pregnancy, and sometimes I feel that my stomach is in the way."

Pregnant women undergo emotional and physical change, I know this is normal and I'm so thankful to my husband who's been very supportive of me. Now, that I'm approaching the end of pregnancy, I am definitely larger. People tell me they can’t quite see it, while others tease me about my frontal rotundity. Getting dressed every morning is a struggle for pants that fit. If only that was the only thing different. I honestly have too much complaints on my second pregnancy. By everything you’ve ever heard about pregnancy, number one on my list is the morning sickness. I also experienced  the “it’s time to eat again or else” sickness. I go from normal to starving Sally Struthers style about every two hours. It’s when I don’t answer that call that I get nauseated and struggle even more to find something I feel like eating. I don’t have any weird food aversions or cravings, but there are foods that make me happy. Among them – because it varies from day to day — are 'pansit', banana or chocolate milkshakes, spaghetti 'pinoy' style and boneless bangus dip with calamansi and anchovy sauce. I drink normally and have turned my nose up at the strawberry shakes I would order before. And as much as I always loved a spicy food like thai food, the thought turns my stomach which I’m not sleeping on. Paranoia has me off my back as well. I just turn from side to side, feeling like a fish flailing from side to side all night long. Sleeping is uncomfortable even with the body pillow. Waking up when I get up for potty breaks is hard for me because I can't go back to sleep right away. 

One thing I couldn’t have anticipated at this stage is sore hips and thighs. It's more painful than my experience on my first pregnancy. It’s like my joints are on strike. I stiffen quickly as if it will rain any minute. And sleep must be a really big part of the preparation. I’m so sleepy all the time that I feel lazy. And when I’m not sleepy, I’m just plain tired. Every day, it’s like I’m playing catch-up with my fast-moving life. 

As accepting as I’ve become of actually being pregnant, my approaching acceptance that I do need more food, more sleep and to keep taking my omega3 vitamin. I’m really just responding to feelings that seem to get hurt a lot more often though I pretend otherwise when it involves friends. 

It’s pretty clear that while I’ve got the physical stuff down, I’ve got to work on the emotional side of pregnancy. So, if you don't see me where I should supposed to be, know that I'm not milking the whole pregnancy thing. I'm just struggling my way forward and probably on my way somewhere to go cry about it when my indescribable mood swing attack.

Freebies for Pregnant Women in Norway

Want free baby stuff? What about free stuff for new parents? If you’re expecting a baby, then don't miss these great freebies for moms and dads. A huge list of free stuff that new parents can receive... at no charge! Amazing! 

Vitusapotek Babybaby:
Complete the online form, receive an email and print it off. Take it to your local Vitusapotek and receive your pack! This has to be the best box I’ve received so far so worth getting.  Register here

Apotek1 Babybox:
Complete the online registration and receive an email. Print off the email and walk into your local Apotek1 and pick up your box of goodies. This is a pretty heavy box so pick it up at the end of your shopping trip!  Register here

BAM gavepakke:
Register online and the pack will be sent through the post direct to your home. It’s a fairly small pack but there are some good offers and discount vouchers in there.  Register here

Liberoklubben:
Complete the online form and you should receive a pack of sample products through the post. I haven’t received it yet so can’t tell you what’s included but be patient.  Register here

Rimi Barnepakke:
Complete the online registration and you should receive a card through the post. Go to your local Rimi and pick up your pack. Really good box of goodies. It takes a while for voucher to arrive.  Register here

Life in a hospital: not as glamorous as Grey’s Anatomy depicts.

On my 28th week of my pregnancy, I need to be confined on the hospital. I’ve spent several days at Stavanger hospital. I had a rough week of staying alone, to say the least. After a couple of weeks of having weird fevers/blood in pee/pains in my lower back/thousands of tests, my doctor recommended me to have a full check up. As soon as I arrived in the hospital, when the nurse found out I'm in pain, they let me lay down on the bed while waiting for the doctor.

I thought I can go home that day but after all the tests, around 6pm, the nurse told me I need to stay in the hospital for few days for observation. That night, I slept on the hallway because there was no available room for me.

On my third day, I was transferred to a single room.  I had my own television without remote control and I also had my own toilet.

 

 

 

 

The initial finding was bladder infection, then the next day, it became kidney stone. On the third day, the doctor said it was kidney inflammation. I'm starting to be confused! I'm trying to understand that it was also hard for the doctors to really detect what was wrong because of my pregnancy. They can only do limited tests. On the fifth day, the doctor scheduled me for a bladder biopsy to suss out what was going on. The result will be after one week. 

 

usual breakfast @ 8:30am (buffet-style)

usual dinner @ 5pm (buffet-style)

While I'm in the hospital, I do freewriting. It's my way of getting my brain in gear. The result of my bladder biopsy will be after a week. Since I cannot wait for that result anymore, on the 7th day, (February 13) my birthday, I requested the doctor if it's possible to discharge me since I feel a little better and I am more comfortable staying at home recovering. I was not expecting his answer when he said 'yes'. It was an answered prayer! When I left the hospital, I didn't pay any single centavo. Everything from the antibiotic, pain killer, daily checkup, food, clothes are for free.

That night, when I arrived home, my hubby and son prepared a dinner for me. I'm so thankful for my husband for all the love, care and patience that he showed while I'm in the hospital. Now, I'm on the road to recovery! Thank you for all the prayers while I'm under the weather.