Under a cloudy sky sometimes the world looks gray...

Depression is not sobbing and crying and giving vent, it is plain and simple reduction of feeling... People who keep stiff upper lips find that it's damn hard to smile. -Judith Guest

You cry... you feel sad... you get "help"... but it is still there... only now you hide it... you want everyone to believe it is okey... but its not, I'm not okey- its a roller coaster of emotions, you slowly start to feel better and then all of a sudden you crash again... then it starts all over.

Depression to me is like a deep dark pit that once you have reached bottom there is no escape.
At first you began to feel yourself sliding into the shadows and then complete isolation from life. Things begin to lose their color. yellows of the sunshine, and blues of the sky fade to a grey and bleak shadow that seems to overwhelm me. I can no longer see or hear things that are pleasing to me anymore. Dark thoughts of fear and failure dwell within my mind almost constantly. I feel numb to the world and people around me. I want to be left alone because it takes so much work to hide the true pain and sadness I am feeling. The guilt for not being able to handle simple conversations. It is so hard and exhausting to pretend with people that I am okey when in fact I have spiraled downward into what I call THE PIT. It is deep, dark, lonely and inescapable for me sometimes.

Life is sometimes bad. I feel like it's just a bunch of aches and pains. When ever there is some good thing happens, it's inevitable that it is going to end. I've resolved myself. I'm not going to
expect anything but the worst because it's inevitable. Why be caught by surprise by something you know isn't going to last. Don't be a fool, even if it does get better always know it will come to an end.

I don't want any more vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I've had it. I am so tired. I just want my OLD life back!