Depressed! =(

Is it better to let yourself be depressed every once in a while or force yourself to stay positive?

Lately I'm struggling to stay positive. Sometimes I feel like I'm about to break down but I just keep telling myself I can't. Lately, i'ts become just this in the middle numb zombie like state and I hate it. Sometimes, I think I should let myself be a little depressed just to feel again but I really don't want to go into a depression mode but I'm trying so hard to be happy and it isn't working. Its just going blank. I'm not depressed but I'm not happy either. I'm just here or rather not here. I'm afraid to let go and just feel anything because I don't know what emotion will come out. I just don't want to lose control over myself. I’ve lost control of everything in my life but myself and I'm wondering if that's a bad thing.

I know, life is what you yourself make it , good or bad it's all up to us to cry or laugh. Sometimes we suffer from depression but we have to choose to move forward because if we would just curl in a ball... at the end we'll realize what a waste of life.

I know I'll be fine... maybe I just miss my friends and family way back home.